I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
