i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
