Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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