So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
