I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
