thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
