just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
