I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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