I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
