R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he shaved USA in his pubs
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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