When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
