I didn't shave. On purpose
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
