he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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