Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
