and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
