thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
