Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
NoShamevember. You game?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
