who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
