i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
