Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
