she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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