If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
