So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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