Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
