I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
