Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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