i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
