Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
