I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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