Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
