he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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