Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
