she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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