I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
