remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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