ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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