This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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