Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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