ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
