I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
