DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize