i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
