I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
