dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
