capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
