I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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