You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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