I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
