In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
