he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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