i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
