Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Vodka?
Forever.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
