I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
