I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
