Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
