some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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