she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
