So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
