i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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