I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
