guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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