i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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