Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize