you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize