get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
do nipples grow back?
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