You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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