smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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