Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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