I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
