I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
