I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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